


Thou Shalt Return

by guardofangels



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Drabbles, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, Pining, This movie killed me, and gave my family scurvy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 05:14:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14442120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardofangels/pseuds/guardofangels
Summary: Hard to write a summary considering I don't want to spoil anything. One of the three characters tagged is Quite Sad and this fic is just me exploring that sadness and resolving absolutely NOTHING.SPOILERS FOR INFINITY WAR WITHIN.





	Thou Shalt Return

**Author's Note:**

> Just FYI, if you don't want anything in Infinity War spoiled DON'T read this!

“Steve?”

It’s all he hears. It’s all he can hear, Bucky’s last words, pleading, _confused_ , echoing over and over like a klaxon. He becomes distinctly aware of Nat grabbing his shoulder, pulling at his uniform, trying something, _anything_ to get him away from where he has collapsed to his knees. Her mouth is moving but the sounds are muffled, distant. Steve turns his head to look beyond Natasha’s panicked expression, and notes with a detached sense of confusion the smog now in the air. _No. Ash. It’s all ash._ He feels something twist in his gut, and everything snaps back into focus.

“Steve, we need to go.” Natasha is still yanking on his shoulder. “We aren’t safe here. We need to regroup, help the others, find out who-” she blinks sharply and clears her throat, “find out who’s left.” Her voice breaks for a fraction of a second as she speaks. Acknowledges the horrifying truth left unspoken between them. Steve feels everything tilt once more. Looks at the ashes clutched in his fingers. His shaking fingers.

“Nat I can’t leave him-” he chokes out-begins to choke out- before she stops him. “Steve, we are two of god knows how fucking many people left to defend the people remaining here. We have to put this aside and do what needs to be done. Then we talk about it.” She inhales sharply and sets her jaw, giving him a tight smile. “Come on big guy, duty calls.” He looks down, notices she’s been holding his hand the entire time, and rises to his feet, making a mental note of their location.

 _I’ll be back, Buck,_ he promises internally, stumbling towards the rest of the survivors with Nat, hand in hand.

 

***

 

Several months pass since the snap. Steve wakes up sweating, shaking, sobbing. It’s 3.30am, according to the blue glow of the clock on his bedside table. Again with the dreams. Never quite the same, but always ending with the inevitable conclusion: Bucky dying. Sometimes, Bucky would be drowning, sometimes falling from the train again, in others being beaten to a pulp by Tony. Bucky screaming as he burns from the inside out, and Steve unable to help in every single scenario. Tonight’s dreams were no different, a punishment for not trying harder, not being fast enough, strong enough, _good_ enough.

He sighs and sits up. Rubs his eyes to get the vision of Bucky desperately reaching for him out of his head. _No point in trying to sleep,_ he thinks, wrapping a blanket around himself and walking out to the balcony of the apartment. It’s grey out. Everything is grey and it’s like every passing day saps a little more of the colour from the world. Nothing has ever been the same. How could it be? He looks down at the city and sighs. Looks back into the apartment and the stripped-down walls and the boxes of photo frames of him and Bucky piled in the corners. At the jar of ash on the counter. The smashed plates on the floor. 

Steve had never thought of his job as one he would retire peacefully from. He had always accepted the probability that death in the line of duty would be the inevitable conclusion to his path. But this went deeper.

He recalls the conversation he had with Nat a week ago. It started civilly. It always did. Nat using her patented _calm down Rogers_ voice to try and coax him into sharing his feelings. To convince him to come back to work with the remaining Avengers. Desperately trying to persuade him that things could get better. But nothing could be. Not after this.

And so, he had quit. Simple as that.

He had reached the end of the line.


End file.
